The logical song

I recently engaged in a lengthy and rather heated debate on another bloggers site (neilclark66.blogspot.com/2008/01/its-time-to-end-serb-bashing.html). I was somehow trying to offer a bit of perspective and perhaps some middle ground in hopes that the intensity and nastiness of the exchanges would ease. Being that the hot topic was the collapse of the former Yugoslavia - it, of course, hit nerve centres left, right and centre. So, as most would expect, insults were flung at me as well. 'But this person doesn't know me', i uttered to myself as I wrote a response to his or her nastiness (he/she was anonymous). I was being packaged, distributed, and sold under a label that i hardly deserved.

I know, poor me, right? Why am i whimpering on about this rubbish? Well....

I used, and have used for some time, an alias when writing. I originally thought that it would give me a needed distance from the topics, which of course are always personal. Maybe I thought i could avoid being judged by one side or another and maintain my neutral and objective perspective. Perhaps I was just chicken shit and wasn't confident enough to post my views with a name and face attached to it.

The thing is, you see, that i am an opinionated person. I have a lot to say about what i see, feel, and experience. So why the mask? Why take a back seat to issues that i feel passionately about. Why hide behind a psuedonym when speaking out against morally bankrupt political systems, the not-so-blind destruction of this magnificent earth, or the social injustices that are killing or enslaving our women and children?

The thing that has happened to me here, during my long stint in the Balkans, is a powerful conflict aversion-attraction syndrome. The conflicts here, as horrible and morbid as they have been, have offered me the most precious lessons and experiences of my life. I have never felt the full-tilt of emotions as I have here, whether it be anger, pain, joy, sadness, or triumph. The problem is though, the war has carved the heart out of so many. There is an intense tendency here to 'Bush' things to death -- meaning if you're not with us, you're against us. Everything is warlike, including dialogue. That intimidates me I think. And has created a strong aversion to engaging in dialogue (aka conflict) - because so often the result is simply that we are at further ends of the table then when we started.

“Won’t you please, please tell me what we’ve learned, I know it sounds absurd but please tell me who I am.”

This mad place called Bosnia, a place i have grown to love and hate in equal proportion, has taught me at least one thing. To keep asking myself who I am. For that i am eternally grateful. So i have set up a new blog for myself. Mask off. I throw my proverbial cards on the proverbial table. Welcome to the monkey house friends!

peace